A busy Monday following our Friday delivery

Monday July 24th was an interesting day.  It started early in the morning with me feeling sicker than I had been after having caught whatever Simon caught on our way back from Philadelphia.  After some discussion and debate, we went as a family to the walk-in clinic affiliated with our family physician, which is a 20 minute drive to a neighboring town.  It had to time out well because the ministry I run is in charge of distributing federal commodities (free government food) to several surrounding counties' food banks, and I needed to be back in time to run that.

When we arrived, we found out that the clinic was not seeing walk-in patients and had changed its schedule.  Unfortunately, they had not updated their website, which is what I had used to make sure they were open and seeing walk-ins before driving over.  Slightly frustrated, I had to decide between driving another 15 minutes further west to go to another walk-in clinic affiliated with my family physician or to just use the walk-in clinic back in Hays (where we live).  I had avoided that one because they likely wouldn't do further testing to figure out what was wrong with me, but there wasn't enough time for me to go to the one further west, so we went back to Hays.  When I went into the walk-in clinic, I found out there were 11 families in front of me; it was such a long wait that they would be willing to take my number.  After discussing it with my wife, I decided to try and get seen before commodities because I was feeling progressively worse; since they would call me when it was my turn, we decided to have breakfast in the outdoor seating area of Starbucks next door to the walk-in clinic.  It was actually quite fun having breakfast with my son and wife, and after we finished they headed home.  I told them I'd call when I needed picked up.

At this point I sat in the waiting room--due to the rushing in the morning of the day, I hadn't had my morning prayer time, but it would be hard for me to enter a truly connected prayer/meditation state in the clinic's lobby due to all the distractions.  There were two TVs on, a loud radio, and no great views to see the sky or outdoors from.  As I looked up and contemplated praying, I noticed that everyone in the room--100% of the people, were glued to their phones.  The only exception was the receptionist who was working on her computer.  It made me wonder what the radio and two TVs were for.  It also made me reflect on not being truly present in the room and my own desires to distract myself instead of centering in prayer and/or processing through some of my emotions over recent events.  It ended up being good practice for me, because praying in that type of highly distracting room requires me to focus on quieting down and being present in the real environment around me--connecting to the space and also to what is going on outside; however, I couldn't focus on drowning out the distractions, or else my focus was still ultimately on the distractions.  Instead, I had to focus on the clouds I could see outside, the moving air in the room, my own body and breath, and slowly focus into an attitude of connectedness in the moment to God, life around me, and myself so that I could begin praying/meditating.  After quality prayer and reflection, the nurse called for me to head back into the clinic.

As part of the explanation of my general body status, I mentioned the recent weight gain and having been under a lot of stress with the girls, which led to the nurse asking more details about their situation.  This led to a very good and emotionally challenging conversation (for me), but it felt like one of those God-moment conversations that were meant to be--especially since our conversation related to one she'd been having with a co-worker earlier about when it can be more compassionate to choose to let people go gracefully.

After the appointment, my wife picked me up and we drove by the church parking lot where the semi truck drops off commodities food just to verify that it hadn't arrived.  It is supposed to call 30 minutes before it arrives to give us warning.  As we drove by, we saw the truck pulling in, so it had failed to call in advance.  I promptly called and texted all of our volunteers and the company that donates the forklift to get everyone moving our way as we headed towards the house for me to get my vehicle as quickly as possible to return to the parking lot.  I grabbed my vehicle, turned around and headed right back out (my wife had time to prep the paperwork for commodities while I was in the clinic, so I grabbed that, too).  As I hopped in my car, the rearview mirror fell off and started hanging by its electronic cabling.  With no time to fix it (since I could see the old glue that had held it is where the attachment had failed), I drove as best as I could with one hand holding the rearview mirror.  

I arrived to find extra volunteers who hadn't replied to my text chain, but while this threw off my organizational count, it was actually extremely helpful.  First, it allowed me to send one of the volunteers who is related to my wife over to help with Simon.  As a bonus side-quest, I asked them to get glue/resin for my rearview mirror.  It also helped when several pallets broke on the semi truck and we needed extra helpers and equipment to get them out.  Eventually, we assembled all the food and the cars, trucks, and vans from the surrounding counties' food banks started pulling through and getting loaded up.  Here the extra volunteers were a huge assist as the temperature had skyrocketed and several of our people were feeling rough.  One ended up getting heat exhaustion, so I gave appropriate first aid recommendations and they were able to head out and cool off.  Their contribution with the extra volunteers, though, allowed us to finish with no one else succumbing to the heat.  At the end, we had 37 extra cases of walnuts, which was a huger error.  We could not find out where it occurred at first, but upon later investigation we realized the company had sent 37 too many.  I inquired about the situation with the state, but for the time being we had to take them indoors to cool them.

We loaded all the food that my ministry distributes plus an extra truckload of nuts (thankfully the extra volunteers had a truck) and unloaded it at my ministry site.  As a plus, since my dojo was closed due to the travels with our twins, there was space to store an extra 37 nut cases with no issues.  Once everything was unloaded, we headed back to the house.  At the house, Simon fell asleep about 15 minutes before we were supposed to go to the mortuary.  Thankfully, due to the time delays processing the extra 37 cases of nuts, my parents (who were in town to help with the commodities) were able to watch Simon at our place so we could go out and finalize that cremation paperwork.

After this crazy morning and early afternoon right after the girls' had passed, I realized that I could look at it as a day filled with bad occurrences (a clinic was closed that's website said it shouldn't have been, there was a huge waiting line at the other clinic, I had no time to eat at home so had to eat out, I had no time for secluded prayer so had to try and pray in a distracting environment, the truck failed to call, multiple pallets broke and truck didn't have correct equipment to fix the issue, 37 extra cases of nuts got dropped on us, my rearview mirror broke, I was fairly sick and working in heat, and one of our volunteers got heat exhaustion).  I could also look at it as a day of excellent occurrences and providence (the clinic failing to post its schedule change led to a fun bonding breakfast outside at a restaurant with my wife and son, I had a good breakthrough praying and meditating despite hard distractions, I had a great conversation with a nurse I likely couldn't have had without these circumstances, we saw the truck arrive early so were able to get volunteers and the forklift on the way quicker than if I'd arrived when the truck was supposed to arrive, we had extra help to overcome the pallets breaking, we had extra help to prevent more people from getting overworked in the heat, extra help let my wife have help and got me glue to fix my car's rearview mirror, we had space due to the dojo closure to accommodate 37 extra cases of walnuts, we received 37 cases of walnuts that locals in need were able to get and use, and my parents were available to help watch my son so we could wrap up things with the mortuary).  Both sets of information were true, and at times the day felt stressful or blessed in alternation.  

I was able to acknowledge that the 'bad' led to the opportunities for the 'good,' and I realize that most everything has to do with how we view things/our perspective.  In truth, I felt like it had been a good day overall, and my perspective was positive.  I was generally very thankful and grateful, while I did find the sheer volume of little things going wrong funny.  It made me heavily relate to many of the experiences with the situation with the twins.  The airline having its flight cancelled yet the employees helping us radically such that we were able to get on another airline, the Lyft driver who got us through 2AM construction to get us to our hotel on time, any number of people who showed up with random blessings, words of encouragement, or new information right after very hard things occurred.  I realize that at the end of the day God uses good for good and evil for good, so I know He was working throughout the situation with our daughters and that many 'bad' things did indeed create opportunities for greater good.  I also trust that His answer to our prayers occurred for a reason as we clearly asked and He clearly heard and therefore gave an answer.  It wasn't the answer we wanted, but it was one I was willing to accept if it was really His will.  I don't understand why it was His answer and may not ever, but I do still trust Him and thank Him for the time I did have with the girls as their dad.  Yes, I wish it was longer on this side--much, much longer; however, I am truly glad I got to be their father and I will never forget their sweet faces in the ultrasounds as they drank the fluid in their sacs, smacked each other, and interacted with one another and with us.  I love you dearly Abigail and Grace, and I am so glad that I got to be your father and still am your father, even if you've crossed over before me.